The biggest compliment…

The biggest compliment anyone can you give…”I trust you.”

Anyone can say that they have feelings for you, but emotions are fleeting, they come and go. But, when someone looks you dead in the eyes and says, “I trust you” — that’s major!

There’s also a difference between love and being in love. It’s easier to love people, almost everyone has a lovable quality about them. I love chocolate. I love naps. I love a good sense of humor. But, being in love means you’re willing to shut all else down. You’re all in and ready to “let it ride.”

I don’t fall in love easily. Even with people I thought I loved, I don’t know if I was ever truly “in love with them.” I know I loved them as in cared about them, but in love, probably not. Sure, I had my moments, but that’s hormonal, attachment, bonding, euphoria. Not love.

I can say, “I cared for people.” I wanted the best for people.

But after time passes, and the smoke and mirrors disappears, you realize that you’re not in love with certain people and you probably never were: it was all an illusion. Even people you thought you would love forever, it just disappears. Poof. And you secretly hope they find someone else and get that “love” from someone else, because you don’t want it from them, nor do you feel those butterfly feelings for them. Not now, not ever. And not in a mean spirited way, but you just don’t love them. And you just don’t care what they do next, because you don’t care.

It’s really interesting when you arrive at this space, because you’re detached and moved on.

And you get excited about cultivating a new love. And you open your heart to someone else, who’s all about it. And you feel emotionally safe and connected and again ready to, “fall in love,” and “let it ride.”

Screening of Sleepy Hollow, Season 2. We love @theorlandojones. He’s hilarious, witty and I’ve been a fan of his since his Sprite commercials!   (at Headless Horseman)

Screening of Sleepy Hollow, Season 2. We love @theorlandojones. He’s hilarious, witty and I’ve been a fan of his since his Sprite commercials! (at Headless Horseman)

Baby names?

I was asked today by a student of mine, “Ms. Kim, when are you going to have babies? You would have the cutest babies.” I stood there, blank faced, cleared my throat and replied coyly, “I have you guys, when would I have time to have a baby.” Good enough answer, question dropped, kid smiled, back to student presentations.

But, it got me thinking… “wow, when am I going to have babies?”

I didn’t grow up like most girls, with a box that I secretly stowed away pictures of wedding dresses and bridesmaid looks. I didn’t have a list of baby names ready at hand.

Although, I’ve always loved the name, Madison. Maddie for short. I love tomboy names on little girls, and Madison is so elegant and regal. I think that would be an amazing girl name. Or, the name, Claire. I’ve always loved French names, don’t ask me why. I remember when my brother asked me this question when I was a teenager, and we went through potential children names, and even he, who poo-poo’ed on all my ideas, agreed with my choice of names. Now, as far as a boy’s name: no idea. Bob? Just kidding. I’m sure I could think of creative names.

I never set a timeframe on all of that, I know I was viscerally pressured constantly, especially heading into my thirties, then, the pressure waned when I would make strong arguments against why I choose to live the lifestyle, I currently live.

But, for a brief moment in time today, while I was actively listening to student presentations on Identity, I thought, “it would be kinda awesome to have a little girl.” I bet she would be a firecracker and say things like, “mom, absolutely not. You’re embarrassing me. I’m 2, I don’t need a pacifier. Just want my distilled water, merci beaucoup.”  Like a littler version of me, but probably way more sassier and adorable. Just like how I was to my own mother. 

If I ever have a little girl, I hope she inherits my mother’s intellect, groundedness and work ethic, but really, I would love her to be like my grandmother: sweet, big-hearted, accepting, embracing, full of life, and someone who’s beautiful on the inside, and out. She doesn’t have to inherit anything from me, I would want her to be her own person. If that meant, she liked girls, then so be it. If that meant, she was the girliest girl ever, so be it.  If that meant, she wanted to be president one day, so be it. I would never want her to feel like she had to live up to my expectations, or feel like she had to impress me, or feel like I wasn’t proud of her, for who she was. 

After school special, adjourned. 

Love on top!

This is my favorite song of all times. Every time, I hear this song, it makes me get up and start dancing, cheesing it with a huge smile. Yes, Yonce, yes. (And you better believe, this will be a dedication from me one day, I already see how it will play out in my head. What Soo wants, Soo gets.)  

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Bring the beat in!

Honey, honey
I can see the stars all the way from here
Can’t you see the glow on the window pane?
I can feel the sun whenever you’re near
Every time you touch me I just melt away

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Now everybody asks me why I’m smiling out from ear to ear (They say love hurts)
But I know (It’s gonna take a little work)
Nothing’s perfect, but it’s worth it after fighting through my tears
And finally you put me first

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Baby it’s you.
You’re the one I love.
You’re the one I need.
You’re the only one I see.

Come on baby it’s you.

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You’re the one that gives your all.

You’re the one I can always call.
When I need you make everything stop.
Finally you put my love on top.

Ooh! Come on baby.
You put my love on top, top, top, top, top.
You put my love on top.
Ooh oooh! Come on baby.
You put my love on top, top, top, top, top.
My love on top.
My love on top.

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Tah-Dah! 

Move over, Stephen Colbert, you’ve got some competition!

A:  ”Hey Soo, you need to read this?”

S:  ”What is it?”

A:  ”It’s Chelsea Handler’s book. I laughed out loud the entire time I read it.”

S:  ”I don’t have time to leisurely read right now, but if you say it’s that funny…”

A:  ”I promise you, you won’t regret it.” 

Well, I didn’t regret it. It is the funniest, ridiculous, OMG, “did she really do that?” book, and I’m telling you, I had no idea Chelsea could write like that. It’s offensively hilarious.  

I read most of it during my morning commute, where I tried to cover the front page because well, PEOPLE JUDGE OKAY?, and I didn’t want to be forthright that I was reading a book about Chelsea Handler’s whore-y one-night sexual escapades with midgets and black men, but I couldn’t resist.  After a while, I didn’t care, it’s like, “this is what I’m reading and I’m proud of it!”