Signs you’ve been abused by a narcissist.
Abuse, takes on many forms and shapes, but one of the most difficult forms of abuse a person can get over/through is narcissistic abuse.
Here are the signs that you’ve been involved with a narcissist:
1) You doubt yourself - A narcissist will never take the blame or ownership for his/her actions. S/he points the finger at you or at someone else, and you start to question your self-worth and your actions. You are forced to deal with/accept responsibility for things you didn’t say or do. They will accuse of you being jealous, when you’re not. They will accuse you that you’re doing inappropriate things, when you’re not. It’s because they’re dumping their crap on you, and because they’re the ones doing the cheating and being jealous. You’re a deflection.
2) Confusion- A narcissist makes you feel confused, like, “what the hell is going on?” It’s crazy-making, you’re confused by their words and actions, they don’t align. One minute, you’re valued, the next minute, devalued. It’s a constant cycle of huge dips in emotions (highs and lows). There’s no middle ground with them.
3) Feeling crazy - A narcissist has a personality disorder that they place upon you. They are projecting their disorder on you. You feel absolutely crazy, your mental health gets put into question. You think you’re going “insane” — out of your mind.
4) Dissociation - Victims of narcissistic abuse start to disengage or detach themselves from reality, you’re psychologically numb, you lose passion in things you were once interested in, everything loses meaning, there’s a dark cloud that looms over you, this is your body’s natural defense against the abuse, you feel extremely anxious, nervous, scared, depressed, you experience chronic pain, low-self esteem, interpersonal dysfunction, thoughts of suicide.
5) PTSD - physical numbness, avoidance, memory loss, need for solitude/tendency to isolate, lack of joy and hope, sleeplessness, anxiousness, guilt, disturbing thoughts, fight or flight response and a complete awareness of symptoms. You know that you are being/were abused by a narcissist.
The only way to free yourself from narcissistic abuse is to get professional help (seek out a therapist who will work through your issues and figure out why you were involved with this person in the first place — usually, stems from childhood, how you were raised, also feelings of guilt that “you’re the only person that can save this person.”)
Remember, people who are narcissistic, don’t know that they are, they are emotionally manipulative and highly seductive, they will pour all kinds of love and affection unto you, they will ramp up the relationship, they will tell you things or make promises to you—they don’t have any intention on keeping, this is to safeguard you (keep you there), they don’t have any personal boundaries, they’re in love with the idea of the person, or being in love with love, rather than the actual relationship itself.
Because they are so charming, you feel like, “wow, this person really loves/likes/cares about me,” they will say/do enough to keep you in their pocket— then, all of a sudden, nothing, it disappears, and you’re left with “chasing the dragon.” You will work overtime in a narcissistic relationship, you will say and do things, you normally wouldn’t do in an otherwise healthy, high-functioning relationship. When you walk away from them, they’ll come back, apologizing, making up excuses for their poor behavior, anything to keep you at bay. They need constant attention from multiple sources to feed their narcissism. An example of this, would be a guy who’s talking to like 3-4 different women at the same time, telling each of them the same things, except leaving out names and the truth, shifting blame, accusing a woman of this when confronted, only to deflect and say things like, “we’re not right for each other.” No shit, sherlock. They’re beguiling and deceptive.
Once recognition occurs, most sane humans, dissociate with the narcissist. However, the kinds of people who generally allow these people back into their lives have extremely low self-esteem, probably equally as damaged or has a disorder as well (blind leading the blind), doesn’t have much going for them in their lives, or the narcissist has warped their brains so much, they idiotically believe—noodle brain (they’re not very intelligent, self-aware or have self-respect).
The longer you stay with this person, the more fucked up you will become. You will think, “I’m going to end up in a mental ward.” It takes a long time to heal from narcissistic abuse, because the human part, wants to believe them, even though you know they’re all kinds of coo-coo, looney-tunes.
Keep your boundaries up, don’t let them make you believe any less about yourself, know that they need serious help, and no—you can’t save them.
Save yourself. Don’t let them drown you, kick them off your feet, swim far far away, get to dry land. You will suffocate and die if you stay in this kind of relationship.